On rereading this, I understand it would be easy to misunderstand. When I say I have "failed to detect any signs of a future," I mean that I cannot see the shape of the future...what I will be doing once I'm past treatment. Apparently (and I understand this), some of you took it to mean that I had given up hope of living. Not yet! My apologies for being unclear. This blog actually describes a breakthrough and relief. Obviously I have to work on my writing.!