Sunday, 16 October 2011

Wide and forever

There are days when Auntie C squats squarely in front of me blocking the horizon.
Days filled with wills and power of attorney paperwork, with assigning an alternative decision maker in the event that I reach turnip status and can't make my own decisions. There are consent forms, prescriptions to fill, classes to attend, doctor’s appointments, x-rays, PET scans, blood tests and coming up, chemotherapy. Ah, Auntie, you do fill up a room.

But today the sky is blue and the leaves are slowly waltzing from green to red and gold. There is whipped cream melting in my coffee, left over from a “team Linda” meeting yesterday. And there are letters from two of my best male friends – friends I thought were gone…lost to the pace of life, distance and the relentless changes life brings…

My women friends are the bedrock of my life. I can count on them when my life goes south, when celebration is due, when bodies need to be buried and they support me when I make decisions that scare the crap out of them. When the decisions turn out to be disasters, they never say, “I told you so.” I try to do the same for them. It’s the way women are.

My men friends? I don’t even need the fingers of one hand to count my close male friends. And they matter to me in a different way. There is always a special kind of chemistry between men and women who are friends. I speak a different language with these two men who have wandered back into my life – and in thinking I’d lost them, a part of my soul went painfully mute.

But they’re guys. In spite of their writing talent, they pretty much stink at maintaining correspondence – which is a guy thing. But here we are…my world flips over onto its head, everything I know falls out of my pockets and free-falls and they are here, reminding me of my own story as well as theirs. One with a rant that makes me giggle out loud. One with the story about the calling of being a father. I laugh and weep through the letters. I can’t wait to reply.

And the sun feels so much warmer. It feels like there is a future – something that goes shining on, big and wide and limitless. No matter what happens in this little stage play, love goes on and on.


Pat Barber said...

Love does indeed go on and on. It is mankind's salvation and, at times, sole saving grace. Linda, there is more love within you than in most combined ... and love attracks love.

Brian said...

Hi Linda,

Another BGGer here to say "Hi!" and let you know how many of us are praying for you. I lost my grandfather to cancer about 12 years ago. It's what inspired me to become a scientist to fight this horrible disease. I'm glad to see you're still fighting too.

I know how cancer can eat up your thoughts and conversations, but your life is more than that. Don't let it consume you inside and out. Keep fighting the good fight and leaning on those around you. The support may feel overwhelming at times, but that's exactly what will carry you through when you can't stand on your own.

I've read your blog for the last several days and am amazed at what a beautiful mind you have. I would count myself lucky to meet someone like you who has such an excellent grasp of who they are. You are an inspired writer and blogging seems to definitely be your medium. I look forward to hearing more from you. In the mean time, enjoy this day and the sweet whispers from God all around you, telling you how very much he loves you.

I'll be praying for you,
Brian (bmhoman1)

Howpublic said...

Hello again, Pat. Hello, Brian. Brian, thank goodness for the people who are inspired to become doctors and scientists. Have you read, "The Emperor of All Maladies?" It won a Pulitzer prize and has been called a "biography" of cancer. I'm reading it now and it's fascinating.
I'm glad you like my writing - and yes, blogging comes easily to me. I'm a devoted letter writer and blogging is very similar. And it's a way to let people know what's going on...aside from calendar events.
I appreciate the prayers. And yes, love is amazing. If there is one thing I would ever dread losing it would be the ability to love. It wavers sometimes...but so far, it's never gone away for good.

Brian said...

Hi Linda,

That was a quick reply! I have not read "The Emperor of All Maladies" but I will certainly put it on my list. I look forward to what you will have to say in the days and weeks to come. I have bookmarked your blog and will be following it, so you now have one more person with you on this journey. Best wishes to you for more "good days" ahead.


Howpublic said...

Brian, I had today off. Sunday, you know. I think you'll enjoy the book..and it's always good to have company on the road.